Missed It By That Much

(Apologies to Maxwell Smart)

Newcastle were five seconds away from defeating Liverpool.  Some EPL sides stumbled badly out of the gate. The first "round" of the season is in the books.  What did we see?

We Played As Our Handicap Would Have Predicted

Arsenal 3-0 over Coventry

Chelsea 3-2 over Fulham

The Gunners got up early on visiting Coventry and were never pressed.  Not that we expected they would be.  Chelsea maybe should have done a little better against the Cottagers but it was an away derby; ex-Villan Morgan Rogers scored in his first league match for the Blues.

Maybe Our Handicap Is Better Than We Think

Ipswich beat Sunderland 2-1 

Leeds 1-0 at Nottingham Forest

Everton 2-0 home to Crystal Palace

None of these are big upsets but maybe better results than expected.  Ipswich got a 90th minute tally (from Jack Clarke seen here as this week's YouTubeableMoment) to nip Sunderland, who might be fighting with the Tractor Boys to avoid relegation.  Leeds stole all three away at Nottingham Forest.  I watched Everton - Palace until the Toffees went up 2-0 at 53 minutes; mildly surprised at how easily they dispatched Palace. 

Double Bogeys On the 18th Hole Spoil A Good Round

Bournemouth lose 1-2 at Man City

Newcastle draw Liverpool 2-2 at Saint James' Park

More accurately, Bournemouth bogeyed 17 and 18.  Up 1-0 on City, the Cherries surrendered goals to Guehi at 84 minutes and Gvardiol in the second minute of stoppage time.  They get no points for their valiant effort.

More please: Elanga, who had no goals in league play last
year, scores in the 5th minute vs Liverpool

Newcastle looked solid against Liverpool with a viable attack and a solid defense.  Goals from Elanga and Willock had the Magpies up heading into stoppage time.  Then, on essentially the last play of the match, Lewis Hall fouled Munoz in the box and Sobersly Showboatslee Szoboszlai converted the PK to get Liverpool the draw.  It was the correct call, especially given how tightly Stuart Atwell had called the match to that point.  So Newcastle get a jump on points dropped from winning positions, although they do trail Bournemouth right now.  Another positive from the week is that they did sign Nico Gonzalez from Man City.  I'm starting to feel like a mid-table is possible. 

Can We Have A Mulligan?

Man United dumped 0-2 by Hull City

Spurs rung up 0-3 by Brentford

Aston Villa embarrassed 0-4 by Brighton

Hoo boy, that was some ugly stuff.  Can the season opener be a trap game?  For Man United it was.  They must have been thinking what a great break to get the consensus 20th place finisher Hull to start the campaign.  Hull just played harder, though not necessarily better.  United however did not look as bad as Spurs, who were thoroughly dominated by Brentford; unlike United, the beating on the field was backed up by the match stats.  Spurs did have more possession but trailed in almost every other category. An unimpressive debut for ex-Magpie Sandro Tonali, who appeared to have no impact on the outcome.  

But for stinking the joint up, no one beat Aston Villa.  Certainly facing Brighton in their friendly confines was never going to be an easy task.  This, however, was ridiculous.  An own goal at eight minutes was a bad sign; Villa were down 4-0 by the 31st minute and that was before Joao Gomes was sent off.  They managed no shots on target and an xG of .32.  Since I didn't watch the last 50 minutes, I have no idea how the score remained at 4-0 after the sending off.  

Conversation That Sort of Took Place

Dennis: Tell me the truth, you would have taken a 2-2 draw with Liverpool before kickoff.

Steve: Hell, I would have taken a 2-2 draw when we were up 2-1 in the 57th minute

Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

There were plenty of fingerprints on the Villa disaster so perhaps it's unfair to single out Joao Gomes.  He started by getting a yellow card for making the yellow card gesture to the referee.  Not long after he made a challenge that probably wasn't reckless but also one that shouldn't be made by someone on a yellow.  He completed the cycle with a ridiculous kickout on Georginio Rutter to earn a straight red card.  He'll be suspended for three matches.  Emery can't be pleased with that performance.

Modern Day Samson

Stat of the week:

Is a barber the EPL's best defense against this guy?

Erling Haaland

League goals with long hair: 112

League goals with short hair: 0

Yeah, yeah, small sample and all that.  BFS Artistic Director Laura O sends along this video suggesting that others see the correlation as well.

Soccer Version of Hidden Ball Trick

BFS Track and Field Consultant Jack W sends along this clip from the Crewe Alexandra - Northampton Town match.  I saw several commentators suggest this was either offside or possibly a yellow card for re-entering the pitch.  Coach Beard has the correct answer here: 

It's not offside because he didn't receive the ball from a teammate.  It's not a card because he was off the field from the natural course of play.  The goal stands.

Well-heeled Attacker?

BFS Retired Military Matters Consultant Greg M sent us this unbelievable goal from Bristol City's Dom Ballard against Birmingham City.  Can the goal of the year happen in August?

Well, We Did Say It Would Be Okay

I suppose we can't complain about the 1-1 draw at Austin on Saturday night since we suggested it would be an okay result given the circumstances.  This was their ninth match in 32 days since the World Cup, it was an away game and the temperature at kick off was 96 (but it was a dry heat). The teams traded goals in the first 21 minutes and after that it looked like a constant struggle against the heat.  This was a solid performance from the back line of Wagner, Harriel, Pierre and Westfield.  When Garry Maddox patrolled the outfield for the Phillies in the 70s, they used to say that two-third of the world is covered by water, the other third by Garry Maddox.  I'm starting to feel that way about Neil Pierre.  Yes, only a few matches into his MLS career but so far so good.

Too Soon To Carabao It

We will simply note that Newcastle knocked off West Brom 3-2 to advance to the next round.

Let's Try This Again

Friday's 3 pm fixture between Crystal Palace and Man City offers hope of a nap.  And the early 7:30 Saturday contest with Liverpool hosting Nottingham Forest might get the DVR treatment - get up after 8 and use the FF button to be done in time for the 10 am fixtures.

Only two at 10 but one is a classic relegation confrontation, with Hull traveling to Coventry City; I would have had this down as a close one but Opta says 51/24/25 favor Coventry.  Also surprised that Bournemouth are 48/27/25 over visiting Everton in the other 10 contest; I would have thought that would be closer.  

The 12:30 feature match (actually on NBC this time) is maybe the most interesting of the week, with Newcastle travelling to London to face Spurs.  Both sides can be puzzling.  The Magpies may not be as bad as we feared while Spurs, ignoring last week's debacle at Brentford, really should be a vastly improved team from last year.  Opta sees it at 43/33/24 for Spurs and that seems right on target to me, especially with Spurs as hosts.

The packed time slot is Sunday at 9 am, all potentially interesting.  I'm curious how Brighton will do at Stamford Bridge, with some hope they'll be competitive.  Sunderland vs Fulham is a match-up of two sides that will be looking to stay out of the relegation fight.  And Opta has Leeds - Brentford as the tightest match of the week at 38/36/26 favor Leeds.  I have a soft spot for the Seagulls so I'll probably go with Chelsea - Brighton.  Sunday's other match at 11:30 would have been considered a trap game for Man United except for the fact that they lost last week and will probably not be caught off guard hosting Ipswich.

Monday's 3 pm match is scary, as Aston Villa will host Arsenal.  We're certainly hoping for better from the Villans but they are still a team in transition.  The pieces may all eventually fit together but maybe not right away. 

The Champions League league phase draw was held Thursday.  You can see the results here.  Europa League and Europa Conference League have their draws Friday.  Lots of EPL sides to follow but sadly, Newcastle are not one of them.  Or is that a good thing?

Union travel to Harrison to face Red Bulls Saturday at 7:30.  Last week's draw left them three points out of playoff spot.  They are just five behind the 8th place Red Bulls so this is a big six pointer.  Opta does not like our chances (44/29/27); we have some momentum and this is a team we've had some recent success against so maybe it will work out.  

Unfinished Business

I forgot to match the gaffer with his team last week.

I have to work on the pronunciation of Newcastle's new manager (YICE-sluh) before I can start remembering the other guys' names.