Hollywood Scripts

An incredible six days of football.  Couldn't have written crazier story lines for Newcastle's two matches.  But there was plenty of other good stuff spread across week.

We'll start with Matchweek 23, which overall was a gas with every contest compelling in its own way.  Come from behind wins, multiple lead changes, results hanging in the balance to the final whistle.  Good enough that each deserves a second look, like an Academy Award nominated film.

It's A Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood - Oh to be Tyneside after Hayden's last minute goal for Newcastle's 1-0 win over Chelsea (more below).

The Grealishman - Aston Villa grab 1-1 draw thanks to Jack Grealish - the man they rely on when there's trouble.

Blades Out - Probably seems like a comedic farce to Arsenal but a late goal from Sheffield United means they only get one point at home.

Managers' Story - David Moyes (West Ham) and Carlo Ancelotti (Everton) deal with life in the EPL as new bosses of franchises that have seen better days; Moyes was probably happier than Ancelotti with the 1-1 draw as Everton head to that netherworld of being safe from relegation but pretty much eliminated from Europe Cups.

The Absence of Kyle Walker - Man City may have wondered if they would have been better off with Kyle Walker in the line up; down 0-1 for most of the day they tallied twice late and appeared to have all three in the bag until an own goal from Fernandinho finished the 2-2 classic.

19-17 - Okay, there weren't quite that many goals but it was a wild day in Southampton.  Wolves spotted the Saints two first half goals but got three of their own in the second half to take a 3-2 win.  Note that we did offer this as the match of the week for neutrals.  Blind squirrel and all that I guess.

Harry - Spurs continue to struggle without their leader Harry Kane and played Watford to a 0-0 draw.

The One Pope - Burnley can thank keeper Nick Pope for their 2-1 comeback win over Leicester.  He had seven saves, none more critical than denying Jamie Vardy's PK.

Les Miserables - This is how bad things are for Bournemouth.  Their fate was sealed when Steve Cook made a diving, fingertip save to deny a certain goal.  See the problem is that Cook is not a goalkeeper.  So he goes off with a red card for DOGSO and Teemu "You Can't Spell" Pukki "Without PK" converts the spot kick.  Down a man and down a goal.  Norwich had a man sent off at 76 minutes but that was not enough time for the Cherries to rescue a result.

Once Upon a Time...in Liverpool - Their magical season continues with a 2-0 win over Man United.  The Reds did dominate for much of the match but didn't put the match away until stoppage time.  According to 538, Liverpool's chances of winning the EPL are now greater than 99%.  Probably higher than that but you know those stat guys always leave a little room.

Dennis reacts to Newcastle stealing points again

I started the Newcastle match with low expectations - minimal damage to the goal differential and no injuries.  Even that low bar was in jeopardy after Jetro Willems blew out his knee early.  Credit to the lads, especially the back line, for some excellent defending.  So we entered stoppage time 0-0.  With a draw in sight, I had to remind myself of initial expectations lest I get too excited.  The next thing I know, Newcastle are taking a corner kick in the final seconds - a draw is in the bag.  Turns out more than that.  The corner went into the box but was quickly headed back out to Saint-Maximin;  he sent a good cross back into the box, which Isaac Hayden deposited in the goal.  An easier pick for a YouTubeableMoment there's never been.  Actually, that's not completely true - it was hard to pick from all the fan videos showing the fan reaction at Saint James' Park.  So there it was - more stolen points and the Magpies chances of relegation fall from 20% to 10%.  Sweet.


Let's Do That Again

LeJeune may have to teach this technique to Newcastle strikers

So after that full weekend, there's no way the weekday matches would measure up right?  Wrong.  There was still plenty to go.  And top of the list again was Newcastle.  Away to Everton, the Magpies performed like they were playing with house money after stealing the win over Chelsea.  I know I was feeling that way.  Thinking we'd get at most one point from the two matches, it was hard to get too worked up with three already in the bank.  A nice pass from Bernando set up one and an ill-advised interception attempt from Lascelles opened the door for a second.  We even saw Newcastle, down 0-2, move to a prevent defense, taking off Joelinton (ineffective again, damn) for defender Fabian Schar.  All of which made the ending more improbable.  Florian LeJeune put in a goal in the 94th minute which looked like it would be nothing more than an amusing footnote.  Amusing because LeJeune is a center defender and he scored with a bicycle kick (see picture) plus it wasn't going to change the result.  When he scored another a minute later, no one was laughing.  Well, certainly not Evertonians.  The rest of us could merely shake our heads.  LeJeune is now equal second leading scoring and his brace means that 12 of Newcastle's 24 goals have been scored by defenders.

The Grealishman celebrates Villa's game winner

While Newcastle were taking on Everton, Aston Villa were facing Watford in what was pretty close to a must-win contest.  To add to the day's weirdness, as Newcastle were staging their ludicrous comeback, Aston Villa were completing their own improbable ending.  The texts show the timing:

4:23 Steve:  Unf***ing believable.  It's 2-2.
4:24 Dennis: I really hate you.
4:24 Dennis: Never mind!!!!!! 2-1 baby.

On basically the last kick of the game, Tyrone Mings lifted the Villans out of the relegation zone.  Though not confident, Dennis now feels there's at least some hope they won't be heading back to the Championship division.

Running out of steam here but there were several other highly watchable contests midweek.  Chelsea - Arsenal was a classic, though definitely more so for Gunners fans.  David Luiz got a red card for DOGSO at 26 minutes so Arsenal were down a goal and down a man.  Martinelli surprisingly got one back and Arsenal had hopes for a draw until Assculpetal Apsequelta Dave put Chelsea back up again at 84 minutes.  Surely that was the game winner.  No, and stop calling me Shirley.   Hector Bellerin got himself free at the top of the box (you never score from there) and rescued a point for Arsenal.  Up a man and Chelsea twice give up the lead.  Ouch.

On Wednesday Spurs struggled - at home - against Norwich but got their 2-1 win.  It shouldn't be this hard for Tottenham.  On Thursday, Wolves took Liverpool to the limit but came away with nothing after a late goal by Firmino.  Great second half of action. 

Heading into the FA Cup break some things are clear.  Up 16 points with a game in hand (against West Ham), Liverpool are basically champions-elect.  Man City look pretty safe for top three and Leicester are getting close.  Chelsea are just six up on the chase pack for the fourth spot but 538 says they are good bets to fend off Tottenham, Man United and Wolves.  At the other end, Norwich are close to wrapping up relegation.  But the other two spots are up for grabs so to speak between Bournemouth, Aston Villa, West Ham, Watford and Brighton.  Newcastle are close to safety but not over the line yet.  It does appear that the points required to avoid relegation may be on the high side this year - in the high 30s.  I argue that this is a function of the relative mediocrity of places 4-8 at the upper end of the table.  Those sides have been giving up points to the bottom of the table at a higher than normal rate.  Thanks guys.


Sometimes Autocorrect Is Correct

While texting Dennis, autocorrect revised Virgil van Dijk to Virgil Can Dunk.  Dennis said there was nothing wrong with the correction.  His girlfriend Brenna went a step further, asking do we know for certain that van Dijk is not Dutch for can dunk?


Other Stuff

We're in one of those times when you there was/is football on every day but one between Saturday and following Wednesday. EPL took care of us Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.   FA Cup takes over Friday to Monday.  That schedule is here.  Unfortunately you'll need ESPN+ to catch any of those matches.  Selected games of note include Newcastle-Oxford (10 am Saturday), Southampton-Spurs (10 am Saturday), Tranmere-Man United (Sunday 10 am), Shrewsbury-Liverpool (Sunday at 12) and Bournemouth-Arsenal (Monday at 3 pm).  We didn't mention Aston Villa because they are already out and Dennis loves it.

But Villa do have to play the second leg of the Carabao Cup semi against Leicester on Tuesday.  That one is knotted at 1-1 so all to play for there.  Wednesday is the other semi, with Man City bringing a 3-1 lead home against Man United. 

Yeah, we make fun of both competitions but you know we'll be watching.