Put Me In Coach!

With the man in charge too busy to pay attention to the soccer world this week, it looks like he is forced to use me as a substitute.  This feels about the same as when a field player is forced to play keeper because he was sent off and all 3 substitutions have been used  - nothing good will ever come of the situation.  Though I can't possibly live up to the world class writing normally seen in this space, I did manage to watch 8 of the 15 matches since Saturday (Yay shoulder surgery?) so I can least speak with a reasonable amount of first hand knowledge.

The highlight match of the weekend was supposed to be Arsenal at Chelsea which turned into a Chelsea win that was every bit as dominating as the 6-0 scoreline would suggest.  Giroux did not convert an excellent early opportunity and the rout began moments later when Eto'o provided yet another quality finish at Stamford Bridge.  Chelsea never looked back, scoring twice more in the next ten minutes and 5 more overall.  They were aided when Keiran Gibbs was sent off after a diving handball save by (non-keeper) Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain that lead to the third Chelsea goal.  Wait, what?  Gibbs was mistakenly sent off even though he was clearly innocent on the play.  I understand that Gibbs is the left back normally occupying that space, but do they really look that much alike? 

It shouldn't take more than 4 referees to get this one right.

Following the 4-3 come back win over Norwich and the dramatic 1-0 win over Chelsea, Aston Villa  got absolutely hammered at home by a Stoke team who had 1 previous win in 15 away games this season.  Villa scored early through the seemingly rejuvenated Benteke and then absolutely fell apart in every facet of the game.  Sloppy defending all around led to some very easy Stoke goals and the Villans never really put up a fight.  A very sobering loss after two weekends of celebration.

Newcastle decided to be take their sweet time this week against Crystal Palace, but managed to score a very late winner to further solidify their mid table spot.  This was one of the few matches that I did not see so we'll complete the role reversal by supplying some comments from Steve:

Not as lifeless as against Fulham. Had good spells but finishing was weak. So was CP's. Missing Remy (injury?). Had resigned myself to a draw against a team we should beat, taking small consolation in the better effort.  But in stoppage time Ben Arfa drilled a beautiful cross into the box that Cisse headed in for the winner. Three points and 8th is ours again.

Quick Trip around the rest of the league:

- Tottenham stole 2 points against Southampton in a very exciting back and forth game.  Two early and quite awful Tottenham miscues gifted Southampton a 2 goal lead, but Tottenham got one back before the half and equalized just after the intermission.  Sigurdsson struck in extra time to keep the Spurs in the race for the dreaded Europa League.

- Norwich thoroughly outplayed Sunderland for a 2-0 win that features this weeks YouTubeable Moment.  There were several other candidates this week, but this 30 yard volley was simply stunning to watch in real time.

- Manchester City returned to their early season ways and blew last-place Fulham out 5-0.  There were a few shaky moments early, but then City simply decided that they wanted to score a few more times and did so with a familiar ease.

- Everton comfortably held off Swansea with a 3-2 home win.  A Baines penalty was matched by a goal from Bony leading to 1-1 halftime score, before Everton scored twice in 5 minutes early in the second half to put it away.  Swansea scored too late to give the ending any real suspense.

- Didn't see any of the Liverpool - Cardiff (6-3), Man U - West Ham (2-0), or Hull City - West Brom (2-0) games, but the score lines all seem to be about what I would have expected before the games started.   It would be a disservice not to award Rooney's 50 yard goal a bonus YouTubeable Moment for this week since amazing goals and kittens are basically the point of YouTube.

Midweek Games:

Manchester United continued their disappointing season with a home thrashing at the hands of their cross town rivals.  City scored in the first minute and looked very comfortable for much of the game after a few tense minutes of United pressure in the first half.  Seeing out the win would have been easier if Fellaini had received the red card he deserved for a vicious elbow to the head of Zabaleta.  In any case, David Moyes is going to be under even more scrutiny as his team has now accrued the most losses by United in any single EPL season.

Speaking of teams disappointing their fans, Arsenal gave away 2 points with a late own goal and were possibly saved from losing the one point they did earn by the referee's whistle.  Flamini scored an OG in the 89th minute and the referee ended the game during what looked to be a Swansea break away in the 95th.  Swansea players argued the "call" but the referee can end the game whenever he sees fit so there really isn't much to argue.

Everton took the opportunity afforded by the Arsenal draw and blanked Newcastle at St. James Park to sort of maybe get back in the race for the Champions League.  Two comfortable wins in a row has them dreaming big but they are still 6 points behind Arsenal, a deficit that looms large with only 8 games (give or take) remaining.

Liverpool held serve and took the three points they were expected to take over Sunderland, though not as easily as one might have guessed, winning 2-1.  Sunderland might be feeling the pressure to avoid relegation and playing a little bit harder than they were earlier in the season.  West Ham rounded out the week with a very nervy 2-1 win over Hull, who were down a man for more than an hour but managed to be very competitive nonetheless.

And let's not forget about those Chester Blues who have had an unusually long stretch of down time while their manager parties the nights away down in The Big Easy.  A lavish manager vacation at the expense of valuable practice time may come back to haunt the newly promoted squad.

Matches Have Consequences

Could be a weekend that will loom large in the races for the EPL title, Champions League and Europa spots, and relegation.  And the news isn't necessarily good for everybody.

Aston Villa did itself a big favor with a 1-0 win over Chelsea but the rest of the league benefited as well.  In a previous post Dennis noted the Villans' tendency to play well through 70 minutes but find a way to lose in the end.  They may have found a solution - get an opponent sent off.  On Saturday Aston Villa had given Chelsea as much as they could handle but looked like they were living on borrowed time.  Then Willian got his second yellow card in the 68th minute.  Aston Villa took full advantage on a play set up and finished by Delph - easily this week's YouTubeable Moment. The win puts the Villans in 10th place and gave hope to all those chasing Chelsea. 

And the next three in the standings did not fail to take advantage.  Liverpool had the easiest time, at Manchester United's expense.  Gerard converted two PKs and hit the post on a third; some were earned, others maybe not so much - replays show that Sturridge deserved a booking for simulation on the third.  Suarez added a third goal after Man United had gone down a man (Vidic with a second yellow).  Liverpool sits in second while Man United hopes for Europe next year took a huge blow.

Manchester City had a much tougher day.  Vincent Kompany got a red card (yeah he was fouled first but he grabbed the jersey, likely denying a clear run to goal) in the 10th minute, so the Citizens would spend the rest of the match versus Hull City a man down.  That didn't keep David Silva from putting Man City up four minutes later on a strike that would likely have been the goal of the week had Delph not stolen the award.  Hull knocked but could not break through.  Dzeko's goal at 90 minutes sealed the win.  Man City is six points back of Chelsea, with three games in hand.

Arsenal hardly dominated but came away with a 1-0 win at Tottenham, keeping the Gunners title hopes alive.  Rosicky's strike in the second minute was all Arsenal would get or need and it too might have been the YouTubeable Moment on a normal week.  Tottenham still holds the Europa spot but by just over two points over Everton, who got a 2-1 win over Cardiff City and have two games in hand over the Spurs. 

As predicted Fulham took a victory over Newcastle. An utterly uninspiring, lifeless performance by the Magpies.  That Fulham could only manage a 1-0 win speaks volumes of the Cottagers' problems.  To be fair, Fulham did have one attempt that was about an inch short of being completely over the goal line - best use of goal line technology I've seen all season - and two were called back for offsides.  In other words, the goal was not against the run of play.  Nine more matches like this might turn me into a curling fan.

At the bottom half of the table, Dennis will be pleased with the 0-0 draw between Sunderland and Crystal Palace.  Less so with the West Brom and Stoke victories but since they came at the expense of other relegation candidates, it's not a disaster.  And Norwich went down against Southampton so all-in-all, it was a good weekend for Aston Villa.


Who Are These Guys?

Somebody has secretly replaced the Union side I've come to know and tolerate with a squad that plays attractive football.  The first half of their match versus New England may have been the best half the Union has played in their history.  Maidana continued to impress and Fernandes was effective in his first start.  Coulda shoulda been more than 1-0 up at half but it was a joy to watch.  Second half, not so great but they did hold on for the win.  We'll not focus on the likelihood that New England isn't all that good.  The goal was great but so was the celebration, with Le Toux dealing cards to his teammates, a reference to their preseason pastime.

Didn't see any of the Red Bulls but Chris K will likely not be pleased with the 1-1 home draw against Colorado; maybe we'll see some pithy observations in the comment section.


And the Hits Keep on Coming

The weekend gets off to a terrific start with Chelsea hosting Arsenal; Mourinho's 4,000 game unbeaten streak at Stamford Bridge (okay it's only 75) may be tested.  Chelsea may be buoyed by a mid-week Champions League win that moves them onto the quarterfinals.  Another match to key on is Aston Villa at home versus Stoke.  They both sit with 34 points and a win for one of them would provide a nice cushion in the relegation fight.

At the top of the table, Liverpool travels to Cardiff City; a win is a must if Liverpool really do fancy themselves as a title contender.  Manchester City hosts Fulham; do they have a mercy rule in the EPL?  Europa candidates Tottenham have a tough match against Southampton while Everton may have an easier time at home against Swansea; Manchester United is away at West Ham - even though it's an away match, they need a win to keep any hopes of Europe alive. [Postscript - let's see if the Red Devils 3-0 win over Olympiacos/Olympiakos in the second leg of their Champions League round of sixteen match, which featured an RVP hat trick, provides a spark.]

Newcastle hosts Crystal Palace; if the Magpies performance is anything close to last week's, things could get very ugly at St. James' Park.  Relegation battles include West Brom at Hull and Norwich hosting Sunderland.

MLS action sees the Union on the road to Columbus and the Red Bulls traveling to Chicago.

I think there will be time to rest in late July.

Chaos

Only five EPL matches this weekend but your humble blogger is struggling to keep up with all the action.  Let's look at the week's winners, losers and draw-ers.

Winners

Chelsea - Big win at Stamford Bridge over Tottenham 4-0. The match was an interesting affair until suddenly, it wasn't.  Vertonghen's back pass after a slip proved to be a perfect pass for Eto'o who made no mistake on the finish.  Then Kaboul committed the dreaded DOGSO (denying an obvious goal scoring opportunity) in the box; Hazard converts the PK, Kaboul is sent off and the rout is on. The win puts Chelsea seven points clear at the top of the table.  Yes I realize the chasers have played fewer games but wouldn't you rather have the points on the board?

Arsenal - With a 4-1 win over Everton, the Gunners have a clear path to the FA Cup title.  This was a reasonably close match until Olivier (Na na na na-ne-na na, na-ne-na na) Giroud scored twice late.  Sure the loss to Bayern Munich in the Champions League is a downer but they have an eminently winnable semi-final FA Cup match at Wigan, and would face Hull City or Sheffield United in the final.

The aforementioned Wigan - Though relegated to the Championship Division, they still have a chance to repeat as FA Cup champions.  Just don't call their fans Wigan Athletic supporters.

Manchester United - They're not dead yet - at least for a Europa League spot.  Pretty solid 3-0 win over West Brom gave them three needed points.  They were a bit lucky not to spend much of this match down a man after RVP's rash challenge while already carrying a yellow.  Moyes was smart to get him out of there before something bad happened.


Draw-ers

The Union - They played really well; this is the most creative I can recall them ever looking.  Maidana, for me, was the key.  Newcomers Berry, Nogueria, and Edu also contributed.  McInerney got his season off to a good start with a nice header for what should have been the game winner.  Except in the last seconds of stoppage time, Portland won a corner and the Union seemed to get caught off guard expecting the Timbers to set up an elaborate final play; instead they quickly crossed the ball into the box which was easily headed into the goal by a totally unmarked Fernandez.  A point on the road at Portland is a bonus but it should have been three.

Aston Villa (not Norwich - who edits this thing anyway?) - Didn't play this weekend but saw Stoke and Norwich draw, which meant neither got the big boost of three points.


Losers

Alan Pardew - Gets a seven game ban for his head butt of Hull's David Meyler.  I had him down for a season-ending 10-game suspension so I thought it was a bit light.  On the other hand, it was a weak head butt.  I mean, look at the picture - could just be a player sharing a tender moment with the opposing manager:




Pardew: "No one understands me, David."
Meyler: "There, there Alan, they do love you in their own Geordie way."

Tottenham - 'Nuff said about the Chelsea loss.  Still have the Europa spot but this team is an enigma.

USMNT - Friendlies aren't necessarily about winning but they are about showing decent form.  Hard to say any of the Americans looked good in the 2-0 loss to the Ukraine.  I'm guessing Klinsmann got answers to multiple questions, just not the answers he was looking for.

Red Bulls - An ugly looking 4-1 loss in Vancouver, though they probably weren't going to get a result being on the road, on turf and without key players.

Manchester City - The quad is dead.  Long live the quad.  A 2-1 loss to Wigan?  At home?  And they're now nine points behind Chelsea in the EPL table.  They could eliminate that with the three games at hand they have but there is no margin for error.  The Champions League doesn't look too good either, being down 0-2 against Barcelona with the second leg in Spain tomorrow.  


The Calendar

A return to normalcy with all 20 EPL teams in action.  Top table stuff includes a nifty Sunday doubleheader with Man United hosting Liverpool followed by a London derby - Tottenham versus Arsenal at White Hart Lane.  Aston Villa hosts hot Chelsea, which will make it difficult for the Villans to build off their win over Norwich.  Man City is on the road to Hull City; the Citizens really can't afford anything less than a win.  Everton hopes to keep its fading chances for Europe alive against Cardiff.

The bottom half of the table has a bunch of crucial matches as well.  West Ham is at Stoke City -  a win for either could push them clear of the relegation pile.  Sunderland hosts Crystal Palace and West Brom is at Swansea.  I can just hear Dennis rooting for draws in all three contests.

And then we have the mid-table, the two-team mid-table.  Newcastle has won two in a row and Fulham is struggling so naturally, I fear Pardewless Newcastle will come away with nothing from its trip to Craven Cottage.  Southampton is likely a big favorite as they host Norwich. 

Ah yes, back to the routine of weekend breakfasts with the EPL.

 In MLS action both the Union (vs New England) and the Red Bulls (vs Colorado) have their home openers at 4:00 on Saturday. 

Hat Tricks, Braces and Caps

A great weekend for Aston Villa so let's go right to Dennis for the details:

Many lessons were learned from this very heartening win:

1. Watching soccer on a bigger TV is better than watching soccer on a smaller TV [ed note: Not only did Dennis get an AV win for his birthday, he got a new 50 inch TV].
2. AVFC can only bring the offensive heat when they concede within the first few minutes of the game (As the Men in Blazers would say, "Norwich scored too soon.")
3. Going to make a sandwich since "They won't score while I'm up anyway" is apparently the key to success in the BPL.
4. Benteke is clearly capable of scoring the highest quality goals, as seen in this weeks YouTubeable Moment.  Hopefully he can show these flashes a little more often to compliment his dominating aerial game.

Aston Villa once again have a crucial win on which they can hopefully build a late season run, though the last 4 goal explosion against West Brom didn't quite springboard them out of relegation danger.  At this stage of the season, every point is huge and earning 3 points against the team directly behind you in the standings is a dream scenario. 

Big win for Aston Villa and Benteke's first goal was a thing of beauty.

 
Busy times ahead. International friendlies mid-week.  FA Cup matches and regular EPL games this weekend.  And the MLS kicks off this weekend as well.  Hoo boy, going to be hard to keep track of it all.
 
Games in Hand

Most of the time EPL sides have all played the same number of games so the concepts of game at hand or being ahead in the loss column aren't major factors in reading the table.  But now rainouts, the Capital One League Cup and the FA Cup have combined to make hash of that.  Right now, Manchester City trails Chelsea by six points; Chelsea have a league match this weekend but Man City has an FA Cup match so they could possibly be down by nine points by next Monday.  Yet, they will have played three fewer matches; win all three of those and the Citizens will be in first based on goal differential.  Similar problems will affect analysis of the relegation race as well.  So beware as you view the standings.


Words (definitions from dictionary.com)

Hat trick - Ice Hockey, Soccer. three goals or points scored by one player in one game.  As in, Schurrle scored a hat trick to lead Chelsea to a relatively easy victory over Fulham.

Brace - a pair; couple: a brace of grouse. As in, Benteke (Aston Villa) and Remy (Newcastle) both had a brace of goals in leading their sides to 4-1 victories.

Cap - British Sports. a selection for a representative team, usually for a national squad.  As in, many EPL players will being earning caps this week as they make appearances for their national teams.

 Headbutt - butt with the head.  As in Newcastle manager Alan Pardew is looking at a likely season ending suspension for his headbutt of a Hull City player.  Really to call it a headbutt is a bit extreme; it looked like more of an attempted head shove.  But Pardew did lead with his forehead, he's had other incidents and does appear to prone to outbursts.  A lengthy suspension is in order.

The EPL Race

Sorry Luke and Michael P, but the most notable event of the weekend, at least as it pertains to the EPL table, was Arsenal's loss to Stoke City.  For some reason, this fixture has presented problems for the Gunners, as they have won just four times in the last 10 trips to Stoke.  Arsenal drops to four points behind Chelsea with the loss.  Liverpool had a surprisingly easy time against Southampton and move into second with their 3-0 win on the road.  Everton kept faint Champions League hopes alive with a 1-0 over West Ham and the suicide watch in Erdenheim was called off when Tottenham were able to scrape by Cardiff City 1-0.  The scoreboard says 4-1 road win for Newcastle over Hull so what's not to like?  Some gift goals, manager Alan Pardew ejected, a bit of luck not to be down early (though some of that was Krul's excellent work in goal), to mention a few things.  Still, it was a strong showing, especially from the offense, that cements their hold on 8th place. 

Manchester City took the first major competition of the year with a 3-1 win over Sunderland to claim the Capital One League Cup.  It will be interesting to see if a congested schedule in the coming months because of FA Cup, Champions League and EPL matches takes a toll but right now, the Citizens still have a shot at all four competitions.

Michael B will likely provide comments on the Atletico-Real Madrid derby that ended in a draw.


What to Watch

Good luck this weekend keeping track of what's on.  There are just five EPL matches but there is plenty of soccer otherwise between FA Cup "quarterfinals" and MLS openers.  Of the EPL matches, Chelsea vs Tottenham at Stamford Bridge on Saturday at 12:30 looks like the highest quality; a draw would be a pretty good result for the Spurs I would think.  Manchester United will look to keep hopes for Europe next year alive as they travel to West Brom.  The Cardiff-Fulham, Crystal Palace-Southampton, and Norwich-Stoke matches all have implications for the race to avoid relegation.

FA Cup action starts with Arsenal hosting Everton at 7:45 Saturday morning.  Three more matches follow on Sunday, with Sheffield United (not Wednesday) hosting Charlton at 8, Hull City home to Sunderland at 10 and Manchester City hosting Wigan at 12.

MLS action includes the Red Bulls away to Vancouver (Chris K tells me RBs will be sitting many key players and is not expecting much from the match) and Philadelphia Union at Portland.  I have read a few MLS prediction blogs that suggest the Red Bulls are a contender for the MLS Cup while the Union has gotten a few shout outs for a playoff spot.

Oh yeah, and the US plays the Ukraine at 2 pm on Wednesday.

And yet, with all this soccer, neither Newcastle or Aston Villa have a match this weekend.

If A Derby Falls in the Woods...

Decent derby, especially since none of the participants knew it was a derby.  Dennis had the more accurate prediction for the score, though I was within minutes of being right.  But in another sense, the game was nothing like either of us expected - much more wide open and active.  Full credit to Aston Villa for that.  No parking the bus for the Villans; they played a high defensive line and a pressing game that consistently disrupted the Magpies possessions.  What the game lacked was finishing - a final pass, a shot on frame, a goal.  That is, I don't mean to confuse a competitive match with high quality soccer.

Somewhere in the middle of the second half, Aston Villa seemed to run out of gas.  Some have suggested that Westwood's departure with a dead leg was the turning point; neither Dennis or I are convinced he's that good but his replacement, Sylla, might be that bad.  With the pressing defense gone, Newcastle started to take over.  By the 80th minute, a Newcastle goal seemed inevitable but when Remy hit the post (the effing post) in the 88th minute, I was resigned to a draw.  Then, miracle of miracles, a de Jong shot in stoppage time richoted right to Remy, who made a deft touch to his left, got Guzan moving in the wrong direction and ended the Newcastle scoring drought - all captured in the following gif.  Can somebody tell me what Bacuna (#7) is doing - I get turning around but shrinking away from the ball?



Of course, the flip side to Newcastle's joy of victory is Aston Villa's agony of defeat.  They played well enough to take a point home from St. James' Park.  Dennis says this is a consistent theme for the Villans.  He adds:

I had accepted the loss and buried my feelings until I saw the above GIF.  Seeing Bacuna run and hide instead of closing down Remy makes this goal all the more painful.  If only there were some kind of good-game-played-for-70-minutes-point.....

On the brighter and only mildly related side, I recently learned that in a charity game back in September, Agbonlahor took out one of the members of the boy band One Direction with a hard challenge.  This team may be headed for relegatation, but at least they are going to bring bad music down with them.


Elsewhere:

Wins for all the top four clubs means no change in the Championship League race.  As predicted, Chelsea did have their hands full with Everton, scoring in stoppage time on a cross/shot from Lampard that Terry did/didn't poke past Tim Howard. The Dubious Goals panel will sort that out later but Chelsea hangs on to first place.  Arsenal, in a change from their usual M.O., did not wait to put the match with lower table Sunderland out of reach; it wasn't even as close as the final score of 4-1 suggests.  Did not see Manchester City vs Stoke; Toure's goal at 70 minutes was enough to keep the Citizens firmly in the race.  Unfortunately I had little time for what was probably the best match of the weekend, Liverpool's hard fought 4-3 win over Swansea.  Liverpool was up 2-0 within 20 minutes but the rout was not on as Shelvey scored at 23 minutes and Bony followed shortly thereafter to even the score.  Sturridge's second of the game put Liverpool back up but a Bony PK just after halftime leveled it again.  Henderson (also his second of the match) got the game winner at 74 minutes.

Not a good day for the blog's Tottenham fans.  A 1-0 loss away to Norwich leaves the Spurs six points out of the last Champions League spot.  For Michael B., the weekend was a total loss as Atletico also went down, killing the buzz generated by their 1-0 performance at Milan in the first leg of their Champions League Round of Sixteen match.  Manchester United let Crystal Palace hang around for a long time but still came away with a 2-0 win on the road.  The Red Devils then proceeded with a buzz kill of their own, losing badly in their own Champions League match on Tuesday against Olympiakos.


What's in Your Wallet?

This Sunday, Manchester City will face Sunderland in the final of the Capital One League Cup.  As we've discussed before here, this competition is probably lowest on the English football totem pole.  However, the winner does get spot in next year's Europa League.  Not much of an incentive for Man City, who are looking at a likely Champions League spot based on their EPL standing.  But for Sunderland, facing a tough relegation battle, a win would give them something for the season besides the two derby wins over Newcastle.


Random Champions League Question

Who chose the yellow referees' uniforms for the Champions League?  They look more appropriate for yodeling in the Alps than refereeing top flight football.





The Weekend

To my eye, the big match of the weekend is Aston Villa hosting Norwich.  They both sit at 28 points, just four above the relegation zone.  A win for either would be huge, a draw not so much but still better than a loss.  Not likely to be high scoring affair but could be intense.  At the top, Chelsea and Arsenal have eminently winnable road matches against Fulham and Stoke City respectively.  Liverpool has a tougher task, taking on Southampton away.  Tottenham takes on 19th place Cardiff City at White Hart Lane; anything but a W there and I'll have to go get all the sharp objects out of Michael B's house.  Everton looks to put itself back in the Europe race facing West Ham at home.  Because of the Capital One schedule, Man United has the weekend off.  And my Magpies - they host Hull City as they attempt to put a stranglehold on 8th place.

Why Newcastle Will Lose to Aston Villa

1. Recent form
Newcastle has lost three straight and won just once in their last six matches (18th worst in EPL over that time).

2. Lack of offense
Newcastle's attack has been anemic, except when they play 11 v 9.  They have scored:
           a) not once since Cabaye's departure;
           b) not once in over a month;
           c) once in all of 2014;
           d) all of the above.

3. Lack of defense
Coincident with the sagging offense, the Magpies have become sieve-like in their own half.  They have allowed 10 goals in last three matches, which can be blamed on Cabaye's departure only if you  believe the best defense is a good offense.

4. The match is at St. James' Park
Aston Villa play better on the road than at home; they have 11 points in 13 home matches, 17 points in 13 away matches.  Newcastle is the opposite, though not as pronounced - 18 points at home, 19 on the road.

5. Personnel issues
Coloccini and Tiote may not be back for the match.  For Aston Villa, Ron Vlaar (only EPL player named after an Ikea bookshelf) is at  full strength and will shore up the Villan defense.


Predictions
This has all the makings of a lackluster, uninspiring 0-0 draw that will be largely ignored, even by the players' families and friends, who will watch only out of a sense of obligation.  Except - DERBY! - so by definition it will be tense and riveting even if lifeless scoreless.

However, if Newcastle are behind in the second half, at least one fan will go on the pitch attempting to give his season ticket to Alan Pardew.  Even Villan manager Paul Lambert has suggested he hopes to use the Newcastle fans to his advantage; "Newcastle's crowd can become edgy," said Lambert, "we've got to try to get their crowd against them."

Why Aston Villa Will Lose to Newcastle

1.  Newcastle are ahead in the table => Aston Villa assume they are the inferior team => Aston Villa plays defensive shell that they can't sustain => They do not sustain said defensive shell

2. Since October 1st 2013, Aston Villa have taken exactly 4 of 24 points from teams in the top half of the table.  And needed this:

 to earn two of those points.

3. Newcastle are not West Brom, the only team against which Aston Villa can score seemingly at will.

4.  According to NUFC.com, Newcastle have not lost 6 consecutive home games in over 50 years.

5. Remy and Tiote will be returning from suspension and injury, respectively.  And just in time to run past Villa's slow back line and run rampant through the disappearing midfield, respectively.

Predictions:

- Newcastle wins by a goal.  I can reasonably see any one goal score between 1-0 and 3-2 (though 1-0 seems much more likely with these two teams).

- Somehow, both my dad and I end up unhappy and unsatisfied with the first ever Fillebrown Derby.